two hours of multi-tasking as the clock blinks 12

i.
give me your assesments
your judgements and rules
i stamp my feet and yell how i’m a dissenter
but behind the semblance
i lap them up like a good doggie
recite them back to you in times of critique

ii.
i am cleaning the wrong garbage
from the corners of my sons room
insufficient paystubs
thank you notes that will never be sent
plastic manufacturer coverings
and undistributed wooden frogs
waiting to be croaked
all of these dusty from neglect
my son has never complained
he has only ignored my burdensome debris
yet he still overlooks the large toys in plain sight
and searches through the piles
maybe he thought he was looking for a treasure
or perhaps it was a subtle nudge

ii.
a.
Ivy sings “Blame it on yourself”
again and again

i.
a.
G says i’m a needy taker
part of me wants to believe him
and then i remember his real consonants

iii.
today i am staying in the minor chords
i am trying to maintain what i’ve known
since beyond being alive
juxtaposed with a shot of KFC in the fridge

this is the diary of a depressed person
weighted lungs and heavy lids
with too much shit to do
contrasted with dreams of flight
of seemless autopilot

cut to
late-morning-rushing-willfull-child-guilt-screaming-instant-headache-
guilt-annoyed-boss-not-enough-money-guilt

cut to
daydreaming memories of an empty pre-season beach
an ocean that tunes the high string in my chest
a bucket, a shovel
the sand crabs
and a million 3-year-old questions

iv.
i was asked recently
who are you really?
who would you be without your tragi-stories?
or your quadri-sected nationalities that don’t mesh?

i told her i stubbornly plead the fifth