the sweetest face

as it has always been
yet it seems so long since
i had time to take note

today
we stayed in our pajamas
watching movies
as we built Lego robots

at some point i
set down my creation
and looked at my best
most effortless work
which is no longer mine

he is his own
my heart wants to bust
when i watch
the curve his cheek takes
when i hear his own creations
spilling

there is nothing as beautiful

indian summer free association

on a 65 degree
november day
here i am with chills
and i am reading someone else’s words
wishing they were mine
what’s to stop me from copying them?
maybe that’s what i should be
a serial copier
a fraud
it wouldn’t be any worse than what i am now
as i sit here neglecting
the school work that has just begun
which should be a ticket
out of my shitty nine to five
but as i sit here neglecting
i wonder if i am just
not cut out for it
in fact maybe i was just cut out all wrong entirely
acrossed the wrong corners and misshapen
i am not a proper paper doll
throw me into the recycling bin
so i can be made new
improved
a more palatable me
ooo, and since we at this recreation game
this time i would like
the picket-fence kind of history
with two parents who are
reasonable
and a brain with no idea
what terms like
foster care
or incest
mean
and maybe even a little money
saved for college
and i would like to have no idea
what it means to feel dope sick
i would like to be content
to fit a mold of some kind
secure in my own little oblivion
i imagine it to be so much better
than being cold on the wrong kind of day

i am not her

i will have to make it
a mantra
since my defended poise
and the shape of hands
in my mirror
tell me otherwise