you sit smug in your indifference
watching me lay out my whole deck
apparently you think you’re better
and i guess i do too
what was i thinking
wanting to display all my tricks
wanting to reach out my hands
when virtue lies in playing cards by yourself
maybe once in a while flipping up an ace
i say the salesman didn’t die soon enough
May 31, 2007
i wanted to write you a song
but i remembered rhyming is lame
besides i should have noticed
you never wanted to listen to my music
i am 30 years old
a woman now
i love being a woman
i am ready to show off my wares
but pretend has always been boring to me
my imaginary friends never talked back when i was little
and i always wondered what the fuck people meant when they spoke of theirs
i thought they had access to some kind of magic i didn’t
i saw your salesman smile that first night
and i am no dummy
i knew what was going on
yet i let myself slip even so
and there is no answer to whether or not
it’s me who is an idiot
or you who is a liar
or me who is a weirdo
or you who changed your mind
well, maybe there is
i can sit here forever contemplating
the one thing for sure is that i thought i was done with this
that’s why i sat alone for years
’cause i was determined never to feel this sting again
yet here i fucking am
the precedent was set by adam
May 19, 2007
you come to me
with your mouth like
a starving person
and i fill you up
i have always filled you up
you keep plucking
but my orchards are
not enchanted
so i say goodbye to you in your skin
and our warm little oblivion
